ciggawet:

*swipes debit card*
*sweats profusely*
*purchase goes through*
me: God is good all the time
Cashier: all the time God is good

(Source: hunnessy)

aieon:

It may seem like I’m a sarcastic asshole 24/7, but I’m actually only a sarcastic asshole 18/7 because at night I actually have feelings.